Holiday Traffic Is a C-Rhyme

Forty-some years ago, the Oakdale Mall was thriving and much of the traffic from Binghamton, Vestal and Johnson City moved through the old Johnson City traffic circle and up North Riverside Drive to get there. It could be very slow going.

I remember one year sending this (mostly) true story to our morning daily newspaper, The Sun Bulletin, which they published under the headline “Holiday Traffic is a C-rhyme.”

Merry Christmas!

Twas the week before Christmas and all through JC
not an auto was moving … mall traffic, you see.
The cars were all nestled in snug, lengthy rows
their trumpets declaring the holiday woes

while I in my Pinto, son, Matt, by my side
had just stalled my engine on North Riverside Drive.
We sat on the bridge that led to the mall
drinking carbon monoxide … just having a ball.

Then off on the shoulder there arose such a clatter
I looked to my right to see what was the matter.
The steam on the glass of my new fallen Ford
made seeing behind me a bit of a chore.

Then what to my wondering eyes should appear
but a miniature Chevy in third or fourth gear;
with a little old driver, oh, you know the type;
they slow you down Sundays and you sit back and gripe.

I could have been mad at that little old elf
but I laughed when I saw her in spite of myself.
More rapid than eagles her copycats came
and she beckoned each one as she formed the new lane

“On Hondas, on Datsuns, on Opel GT’s
On Mazdas, on Volvos, on 240 Z’s
to the end of the bridge to the top of the mall
now drive away, drive away drive away all.”

As dollars before wild inflation do fly
when they meet with a gas pump mount to the sky
so up Reynolds Road this caravan flew
in a cloud of white smoke with the old lady too.

And laying her thumb alongside of her nose
she waved to the cops in the oncoming rows
and I heard her exclaim as she drove out of sight
“If you want to see Christmas you’ll move to the right!”